Fading into dust

I've been writing pretty much my whole life. At least, since I remember being able to write. I wrote in every language that I know; Starting off with Russian and slowly progressing towards English and French. A few years back if you have asked me what I live for I'd say 'writing'. I put myself in different kinds of situations, dealt with terrible people and ended up in deep shit each time. My excuse was always ' this will make good stories '. I believe that the thing I've been always seeking is to live something worth writing about. I never wanted to be that boring girl writing her life story that no one cares about. I did try to write about myself, my environment and I even had the phase where I'd write about every guy I had a crush on. I'd write vignettes about the blue haired punk I was obsessed with or claimed with pride that I will write a book about my first teenage love: A 14 year alcoholic whose nickname was ' Kuzia'. With time I did get bored writing about these people, guys who wouldn't notice me or take advantage of me; but that is a completely different story. 

Before getting any judgment from so-called 'adults' from my surroundings, my dream has always been to get to university and study Creative Writing with English Literature. I got brainwashed and conditioned in every possible way that I had to make 'smarter decisions' and decided to do Film and English Literature. So here I am, at a university in London. Not entirely sure about the purpose in my Film studies and regretting for not seizing the opportunity to do creative writing.
Of course, this semester I got the chance to enter a side course called something like ' Improving your English with Literature and Creative Writing.' I don't know but the fact that the title had 'creative writing' in it, made me decide to go and register there. Every week, 10 of us gather up and do creative writing exercises, discuss literature and get to know each other. The teacher encourages us to do those free writing exercises, writing without thinking. After the few times that we did that exercise I started freeing myself in several ways. Since, a few years ago I came to a point in my life where I was sure what I wanted to write about and I aspired towards a novel. I did tons of research, worked daily and became incredibly attached to something so ephemeral. I couldn't think nor write about anything but THAT ONE story. It can be very hard on your psyche and your creativity sometimes, to be attached. This is what I've recently learned and I admit, I am still clinging to this one story, to this novel and I feel like it is a sort of disorder. It is partially why I've decided to create a blog. Nothing more but writing and creative expression for purposes of personal development.